For years, copying other people, I tried to know myself.
From within, I couldn't decide what to do.
Unable to see, I heard my name being called.
Then I walked outside.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.
—Mevlâna Jalâluddîn Rumi
Sometimes we’re forced into moments that change us. At least once in a lifetime something will unexpectedly happen and shake the ground on which you’re standing, startling you into complete presence. And when it happens, I pray you’ll have fresh eyes to look squarely at what was once too obscured to perceive. I hope you’ll hear sounds shaped like wisdom emerging from the folds of a crisp morning, and feel impressions long-buried, now surfacing to be seen and positioned meaningfully. Because when it happens, a door will burst open and summon you to pass through — and you cannot run away or avoid it. You must enter and try not to return to the ambivalence of deep slumber. You must try to give your heart fully to the dawning world burgeoning within.
I like to think everyone is awakened to different things and never fully alert to everything. Someone whose consciousness had been activated by a pivotal experience might be asleep to other areas in life that are just as valuable. That’s why I appreciate how people respond to what’s entered their field and are prompted to walk through the unique passageways calling them by name. My take is, everyone alive can’t be fully conscious of everything at once at the same time, rather we are as lights glimmering in the darkness, illuminating to one another our location as best we can.
Can you remember awakening to something significant? What broke into the night and awakened you from metaphoric sleep, as if to shout, Wake up and see the situation for what it really is… Or, what event quickened you into responding with sudden aliveness?
Sharing some reflections with you…
It’s the unsettling events that after holding us in an initial protective shock, deliver us to a state of serious, honest attention. Losing a friend or relative, being diagnosed, discovering you were betrayed, going through a separation, or watching someone close be dealt a cruel blow are the stories inside most of our lives, and are also the unanticipated occurrences which interrupt our routines. If you were to tell me about a time you were given upsetting news that brought you abruptly into a certain awareness, what would it be? Did it feel as if you were being torn from the way it was into a world of stark contrast and details, all of which would inform the next stage?
There is a point where two worlds connect. A place where night and day intersect and a threshold beckons. What does this mean for you? Do you support and observe others engaging in life, going back and forth, in and out of personal experiences and not missing a beat as you view from the sidelines? Or possibly, are you taking your active place among the throng, going through the motions, yet longing for another way of being? And if you’d been delaying something or repressing other things from being expressed, had you ever felt there was an imaginary world inside of you asking to be real?
Walking through this representational portal can look like stepping away from living vicariously through whoever or whatever you’ve been watching. It’s like finally recognizing there is a delicate yet durable morning unfolding internally. A morning where the myth and tales of who you were actively portraying dissolve into a fresh start. If you listen, you might hear Rumi saying, In the early hours, an invigorating breeze whispers secrets into your soul, urging you to break away and create your own full-on existence, feel your individual feelings, and own the pace of your one true and living path.
The older I get, the more I like to wake before dawn to be held inside dark’s quiet mystery before the light slips through. I breathe in the simplicity of not knowing everything and the absence of pressure, if only for awhile. As I center inside this peaceful meditation, I don’t want to be fully awakened, but relish the warmth of morning’s womb. Here, it’s alright to be asleep to stimuli, but responsive to my human senses being cradled in invisible care. How would you describe your relationship to time and space in the wee hours before fully waking, and how has the morning offered momentary refuge from what you’re going through right now?
There are legitimate reasons why we wouldn’t always want to intentionally enter a waking state of becoming soberly informed. It’s not entirely welcome when it means we may have to access and examine details we would rather not. It becomes an ongoing commitment to pursue the truth and come to our senses when it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable. Even if we lack the bandwidth for incoming relative information, there are times we are pushed into being present for it.
Some closing thoughts on allowing presence for distant griefs…
Coming out of a global crisis, I don’t feel the same way I used to know myself to be. I’m struggling to find my new place and it seems everyone is already inhabiting theirs. For me, it’s as if I have fallen through a crevice I can’t adequately describe, then landed in a distant cleft. I have to find my way again. I am sensitive to a stirring world, still raw with unmourned loss in the air. Can you ever feel it, too?
I’ve noticed when we as a population wake up to the news of a public person’s death, we are quickly greif-stricken on a personal level. It’s common because that person who we did not directly know or were involved with was a monumental figure to practically our entire system of being — past, present and future. What I mean is, in our human struggle fraught with challenge and tragedy and even triumph, we see ourselves in the darkness and mark a star to identify with, hone in on and allow to be a navigation and inspiration we can make it. They become an affirmation to our ability to survive as we pass through these rough portals time and time again. And they also point to our personal losses and sadnesses we must allow to be recognized within our own tribute story. If there are any past sorrows and latent griefs drifting through your personal life and a tragic death triggered them to the surface, won’t you decide to let them land and be mourned in some way today? Or has their passing brought forward the amazing fact you’ve survived heartbreak, trauma, and adversity and you need to acknowledge your overcoming ? Be with it. Don’t go back to sleep. Whatever it means for you, won’t you stay awake and give yourself this special uninterrupted presence, attention and grace?
"There are legitimate reasons why we wouldn’t always want to intentionally enter a waking state of becoming soberly informed. It’s not entirely welcome when it means we may have to access and examine details we would rather not."
I really appreciate your words and thoughts. I particularly like the link between "awakening" and "grieving." We all claim to desire "enlightenment" and "consciousness" yet somehow we do our very best to avoid it. Perhaps there are "legitimate reasons" for our reluctance and timidity.
Terror Management Theory in psychology is based on the works of Ernest Becker who theorizes that humans are the only creatures with "mortality salience" - a consciousness of our mortality. Such knowledge normally would be psychologically debilitating leaving us stunned in nihilist despair. Rather than enduring such agony we have used our creative mind to push this knowledge deep into our subconscious and instead create a world of symbols and illusions of immortality - living beyond our physical death.
Our taste of the "Fruit of Knowledge" created a cascade of hyper mental activities to avoid becoming "soberly informed." Beneath the surface, we are literally terrified, driven to wild extremes to do anything to leave a mark, a legacy of our being. No other creature strives to do such seemingly at peace with their simple mortality. What a shock to realize that all the "stuff" we create is a vain attempt to construct a meaning beyond our mortal existence. We have created a world based on existential fear and anxiety and wonder why our ignorance of motives is bliss.
What if, as you describe, we could find a liminal state of being - aware yet not yet engulfed? How different would our priorities and choices be? Can we open ourselves to the pain of existential grief that coming down into our bodies and our mortality will release? It seems we have a lot to grieve and dismantle in order to return to Grace. We will likely like a blindman need to "feel" our way since our conscious minds will not allow us to "awaken" and see the illusions we live.
“Can you remember awakening to something significant? What broke into the night and awakened you from metaphoric sleep, as if to shout, Wake up and see the situation for what it really is… Or, what event quickened you into responding with sudden aliveness?”
Yes. There was a moment where I was getting some pushback from a friend that I was attempting to get onboard with a new business idea. He stood up rather abruptly for his concerns. I suddenly realized I was being manipulative, and pushing him to do something he really didn’t want to do.
And then I looked back and saw other times that I manipulated others around me to get what I wanted. I wasn’t taking their feelings into account at all. I wasn’t a good friend.
I had days in front of me of introspection and atonement. I now attempt to see others with empathy and practice better listening skills.